


Open Letter

by wannabeoppa



Series: The Bandori Drabbles [9]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/F, Hurt, I apologise to whoever suggested this pair and ended getting angst, oof, open letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-05 08:05:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16806700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannabeoppa/pseuds/wannabeoppa
Summary: prompt - x. calendar..The blonde knows the answer to her next question but she presses on."Aya-chan, are you okay?"Aya smiles through her tears, and Chisato flinches. "Never better."





	Open Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this speech and honestly wow - damn. Also that's in Tagalog or Filipino and no translations but yo, this hits the nail right on the head my dudes.
> 
> Teen angst!!
> 
> Sorry I may have projected on the open letter slightly. Hooo.
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/mijecuencombone/videos/1423817777686941/

_December._

The calendar up against the wall reads in big, bold capital letters rightfully telling her that the merry season is upon her - like the cold and snow weren't much of an indication.

She feels nothing. For the first time in Aya's life, December felt like it only existed to torment her, leaving her with a taste so bitter that the coffee in front of her can never match. As if vividly, it flashes before her eyes; Maya's back turned away as she left their home with Aya's heart in her hand.

The memory always brings the tightness in her chest, suffocating her as she lives through her everyday life. It hasn't been easy but she's here, fueled by the tiniest hope that Maya may have still held onto her promise. A promise that brought Aya to flush redder than the leaves in Autumn as it was sealed with the tenderest of kisses.

She claims a seat by the window, watching the snow flutter in the light breeze the winter carries while the heat of the café slowly fogs up the glass she was looking through, her fingers clenching the base of the mug. Her teeth biting down on her bottom lip as the memories from within shakes their way back up to her eyes.

It's coming back.

She chokes on a quiet gasp in an attempt to compose herself. The tears have began and she grabs a napkin to dab her cheeks dry before following it with a rough swipe of her long sleeves to remove the offending moistness on her skin. She swallows hard, pushing down the heavy lump stuck in middle of her throat.

A pen...she needs a pen.

This is a way of dealing with feelings resurfacing back into her life. Chisato told her to write them down, crumple the paper and throw it into a pit of fire. As much as how weird that sounded, Aya swears that it works - sometimes.

She frowns at the empty paper, hand trembling as it holds the pen that the waitress had kindly lent her. Her thoughts rampant in a jumble of letters and words that Aya cannot bring to pin any of them to jot down. It has always been like this whenever it comes to Maya. Maya had been a part of Aya, a dependent pillar of her life. Her name brings a sense of security to her then, and even now, but she knows well that it shouldn't.

She _left_ Aya for goodness sake! Maya discarded her so quickly that she was left to feel worthless, feeling like she was nothing but another pawn in God's cruel game of chess.

Her eyebrows knitted together, knuckles turning white as the pen creaks between her fingers and palm. And yet, she couldn't stay mad longer enough to write her first thoughts down. She looks back, she did love Maya and Maya did too - until she didn't. The "I love you" texts were genuine, the kisses before and after work held warmth at one point in their relationship - Aya cherishes them all.

She sighs. Her indecisiveness isn't helping her case but with pen and paper in hand, she starts.

_"Hi, I guess it's another open letter for you that you're not going to read, huh? I don't know where you are so this is the next best way I have of telling you._

_You know, I think about my wishes before the two of us became... 'us'. I remember wishing that you would text me "goodnight" before you go to bed. Or maybe flash me a little smile when you pass me by the halls at work. I kept wishing that you would swoop me up in your arms and tell me in your sweetest voice that you're in love with me as much as I am._

_I was happy when all that came to be. I've always thought wishes come true only happen in fairy tales. I didn't have faith in them until you came along. You showed me that fairy tales aren't just colourful words on a page of a book, but it could easily be a page in someone's life - my life; a dream come true._

_But I guess not all fairy tales end with a happy ending._

_I didn't think wishing for someone like you would end up here. I didn't think that I'd regret a wish that had come true but here I am, a year after you left me, after three years of being together, sitting on my own, writing a letter for you that you don't even know exists._

_I am sitting here hoping that we didn't have the chance to meet. Hoping that I could go back in time and take back all the wishes I quietly whispered into the air. I am here hoping that I could take the pages with you in it out of my life. I am here hoping that I didn't fall for you so deeply so I could easily pick myself up and go..._

_I'm sitting here...wishing that you coming into my life doesn't hurt this much..._

_I wish that falling in love with you isn't this painful._

_I wish what I've done during our time together was enough to make you stay..._

_I don't know why back then I didn't wish for something that will protect me from all this. Maybe it was because I was convinced that our fairy tale has a happy ever after; your promises tickling my ears while we laid in bed before we both fall asleep in each others arms, when you look at me like I was the most precious thing in your world... It was hard for me to think that I will end up crying myself to sleep most nights when you leave._

_It was unfair - your words and your stares. And I was stupid to believe in them._

_I always regret not thinking of how you were going to let go when you held me close. I regret not thinking of how cold it will be in the morning waking up without you next to me because YOU made me believe that everything you and I have is engraved on a rock that can withstand time._

_I did everything I could...for you...for us and yet why am I left with this? Wishing and hoping that I didn't cross paths with you. Why am I hoping that the ticking of a clock lulls you, stops your time just as you did mine since you left?! Me hoping that I didn't know what falling in love with you is like?!_

_This isn't easy for me as it is for you because I love you... I love you so much that you were and still is the best thing that's ever happened to me. ._

_And I'm sorry that I couldn't make you feel the same way about me._

_._

_I know my words won't reach you, but I wish that you hadn't given up. I wish that you continued to realise what I was to you._

_I hope that despite everything, you continued to hold on to your promise..."Aya, I'll never leave you." "_

She stops writing when her vision was too blurry for her to continue. The edge of the paper towards the end soaking with her tears. She doesn't feel the heavy burden against her chest before she cries, it just happens. A steady flow soaking the mounts of her cheeks. She blinks some on the paper while her fingers reach for another tissue and when she does, a hand lightly presses against her shoulder. She looks up with tears brimming and smiles.

"Hi."

Chisato smiles just a tad and embraces Aya gently before taking her seat across her, taking her trembling hand.

The blonde knows the answer to her next question but she presses on.

"Aya-chan, are you okay?"

Aya smiles through her tears, and Chisato flinches. "Never better."

**Author's Note:**

> Aya, honey, you're not okay.
> 
> Ey I'm back! I have tried to write my feelings down and throw it in the trash. It's like talking to yourself but not. Ya know. Don't bottle things up kids, talk to someone about it. It will make you feel better. Promise.
> 
> come tell me your problems on twitter! @neddisoppa


End file.
